The day after

April came back from her dads last night.  I got a phone call while I was at work and she was crying and was very upset.  I guess the goodbye wasn't very good.  He hugged her and left her in the driveway with all her stuff in her arms and just left.  She was bawling.  He's an ass.  I'm to the point where I don't care what they do to him for child support either.  He's cold and he claims that it's because of how he is.  Well that's bull shit.

Anyways, I'm hoping for a good day today, even though it's raining.  We are going to make some cookies here in a bit.  She already started her attitude change.  I knew that it wouldn't last long.  But that's OK.  I know she had fun with her dad.  Because he took her horse back riding and other awesome stuff that if we still lived with him she wouldn't be doing because he's selfish and puts himself first.  So now she gets to do all the cool stuff so that she will like him "better".

That's fine.  Let him be like that.  He still has to answer to his choices that he makes in life that have to do with her.  She doesn't understand things that are this complicated.  All she knows is that she misses her daddy and she doesn't understand why she doesn't get to see him that much anymore.  There will come a time when she can no longer accept the excuse that he's working.

I've been trying to be a little more firm with April and see how that works.  I don't want to be mean or nasty I just want her to listen.

I am who I am

I am some one.
I am who I am.
I've been knocked down
over and over
will it ever stop?
No one will know

I have to pick up myself
I have to be strong
I have to move on

I have to forget the past
The ones who hurt me may hurt more
I will stand
I will survive

I am me.
I can not change
I will not change

I'm going some where
I'm on a journey
a journey to the unknown
I don't know where I'm going
But I'll know it when I get there

No more sleeping
No more ignoring it
I have to wake up and see the light
I have to take the long road to get anywhere
I have to fight
I have to survive

I may be lost, but I will be found
I may be quiet, but I will be heard.
I will get where I'm going

For I know now I am who I am
I am the person who I've been
I thought she was gone,
but she was just in hiding

Hiding no more she will do
for she has a life to see
and a life to live,
and a life to love

"Forge Ahead"

F=Forget the past
O=Opportunity abounds
R=Refocus efforts and energy
G=Getting starts with getting it going
E=Experience renewal of mind, body, and spirit

The forge saying= I forget the past because opportunity abounds anew each day. There fore, I refocus my efforts and energy towards getting it going and experiencing renewal of mind, body and spirit.

In order to recover my dreams I need to ask where do I desire to be? I need to know where I'm going before I figure out how to get there. I will set clear, specific objectives to get where I am going and will rise up beyond to meet the demands.

I will in vision my future with a mental image of what I want in my life or what it could be like.

My life changes by what I do and what I'm doing now.

I will decide to see a positive future.

I will defeat whatever resistance I've experienced up until now.

I alone have to take the encouragement into my heart and my mind and ignite once again those previous dreams in my heart and reach towards my future once again.

One small step leads to the next

You don't have to get it right, you just have to get it going.

Ask uplifting questions everyday.

Set a large and specific goal. Do something small that creates flow towards it.

Do the toughest task first.

Compare yourself with yourself only.

Remember to have fun.

Get out of your comfort zone.

Do research on what your about to do.

Write down goals and your reasons towards those goals.

Think positively.

Cut down on tv.

Program out negative or cynical thoughts.

Make use of your creativity.

Find out what makes you happy, and do it.

Think out side the box.

Make each day count.

Reward yourself for accomplishing your goals.

What you once were

You once were a friend
You once cared
we laughed
we cried
I was always there
you always came running
you always needed something
I tried and tried
but it's out of my control
the things you do
for the attention you so desperately need
can be no more
for i have no more energy
to give you what you need

you forgot others
you forgot their feelings
and how they were
you turned your back
only calling for your own gain
everyone sees it but you
I'm sure you'll see it,
when it's too late

Your definition of friendship
could use some redefining
you never fully appreciate
what everyone does for you
sometimes a simple thank you
isn't enough
especially when you don't mean it

I must stand up though
and be walked upon no more
I'm dusting myself off
and standing strong
I will not be blamed no more
for your actions

It's not that I don't care
I just didn't listen to those around me
who warned me
over and over
to get away
and not look back

I didn't listen and now I'm the fool
for your not the person I thought you were
family ties mean nothing to you
for they are everything to me

KJG 3-14-10

My Writings

I am using this blog as a place to store all my poetry and writings. I thought about doing it a while ago but just never got around too it. So I'm doing it finally. I'll be pulling other posts out of my other blog but I haven't decided if I'm going to keep them there or not yet. I won't be adding any new poetry to it though. I don't add poetry that often so it isn't going to be updated as much as the other one.

Love for granted

I've been thinking of you lately
A little more than normal
You always cross my mind
With it, brings a tear
I remember the good old days
Just like they were yesterday
Truth is they're getting left in the dark
Harder and harder to hold on
I close my eyes and relive the past
And remember the one thing I can't forget
How I took your love for granted

It gets hard thinking back
Even harder thinking
What might have been
If you never left
You'll never be forgotten
You'll never be replaced

The little ones will never share your love
Never to receive the respect you always gave
You gave love
You gave hope
You gave life
You never asked for anything in return

You didn't ask for the cards you were dealt
But you had no choice but to play them out
They'll never know what was taken
They'll never know
That your love was taken for granted

We have pictures
And a flag in a box
Most of all we have you looking down
Wishing nothing but the best
I know your there and
When that day comes
I know you'll be by my side
For no one can fill your shoes

I know one day I'll see you again
Until then I'll always remember
How I took your love for granted.

I'm ready for love

Take my hand and lead the way;
tell me all you want to say.
Whisper softly in my ear,
all those things I want to hear.
Kiss my lips and touch my skin;
bring out passions deep within.
Pull me close and hold me near;
take away my pain and fear.
In the darkness of the night,
be my beacon, shine your light.
In the brightness of the sun,
show me that you are the one.
Give me wings so I can fly;
for I can soar when you're nearby.
Enter my heart, break down the wall,
it's time for me to watch it fall.
I've been a prisoner, can't you see?
Break my chains and set me free.
Strip me of my armor tight;
you'll find I won't put up a fight.
Release my soul held deep within . . .
I'm ready now, let love begin.